no, we are not psychic

When you walk up to the snack bar and say, “I want the popcorn thing.”, here is a clue: WE CANNOT READ YOUR MIND.

Do you want large popcorn? Small? Do you want a small popcorn and a medium drink? Or maybe a small popcorn and a medium ICEE since you’re dragging along your screaming spawn and talking so low I can’t understand you over their wails? And when I ask you to clarify, the proper response is probably not, “I guess. Whatever.”

This is the point I’m going to charge you for a large popcorn and a large drink and then you give the small popcorn and medium drink out of complete spite. Please look at our menu, or just ask us what the options are. Don’t expect us to guess. I have to read my supervisor’s mind; I have no room for yours.

Also, dear thieves,
When you buy a combo meal and pay for the fountain drink and I give you the lid for the fountain drink, do not put it back and then take the ICEE lid.

This is called stealing, and it doesn’t matter that it’s only 20 to 30 cents difference. It is still stealing.

No love,
Your Annoyed Snack Bar Cashier

customers suck at lying

Here’s a line I hate: “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”

A book I read once called “but” BEHOLD THE UNDERLYING TRUTH. And boy, do the truths come spilling out whenever a customer feels they’ve been the slightest bit wronged.

The scene: snack bar, afternoon rush. There’s three of us behind the counter taking and filling orders, and lines are long everywhere. I’m helping with what I can as I’m taking orders at the first register, trying to whittle the line down so everyone else can fill orders. I have too much going on in the first place, trying to remember how many combos the lady I just finished checking out had, plus a fresh order for a pizza. It’s a bad place to be, and I let one of my co-workers know about the combos, and before I can even see the next guest two teenage girls rush the counter and interupt my train of thought.

They want to know about drinks; I tell them about drinks, I sell them cups, they leave. Then I see the annoyed face of a customer that had clearly been there for awhile.

“Shit,” I think. “He’s going to—”

Like clockwork, he pulls out the I WAS WRONGED AND CHEATED card. “I don’t want to be rude,” he says, “but how are you going to wait on them first and skip me?”

I was in the wrong, of course, and apologized. Jesus H., though. Customers don’t have to act like they’ve been shunned. Yes, asshole customer—you did mean to be rude otherwise you would have gone, “wow, they’re really busy and those girls totally cut in line and distracted a very frazzled looking snack bar cashier” and would’ve realized it was probably not intentional. But instead, you took the negative route, because it’s much easier to assume that the snack bar employees are out to stiff you time wise than assume it was an honest mistake. Don’t be dishonest; you wanted to make me feel like shit for cutting you off by the 30 seconds it took for me take their money and give them two cups. That’s what 30 extra seconds of your time is worth; 15 minutes of me feeling like shit.

So congratulations! I hope your hot dog tasted extra delicious to make up for what a horrible cashier I was for you.